Since yesterday's declaration from the POTUS about the status of transgender individuals in the military, things have been stressful in my house.  Not because anyone close to us is currently servicing as a transgender servicemen, but because the topic is so hot that everyone that knows that Amanda is transitioning wants to discuss it and it's stressing her out.  I will admit that I have been following the topic on social media pretty closely, but I have to stop myself from mentioning anything I read to her because I don't want to add to her stress.  It's hard to watch someone you love change fundamentally, I don't always know what to say to her to ease her stress.  It's not only the crap coming from the White House that is bothering her, work is stressful, being afraid that some stranger at the gas station will be unkind is stressful.  Seems like the simplest things I do everyday are really hard for her.  She mentioned she wanted to take a break and get away for a while, but she's afraid to go on a road trip because of who we might encounter or not knowing where the trans-friendly bathrooms are located.  As her spouse I have taken on the role of her protector and I volunteered for it, but there are times I feel woefully unqualified for the task.  What do you say when someone you love is so stressed that asking if she's okay stresses her out?  I think the answer is not to saying anything,  I hold her in my arms and I pray.  I pray for strength, I pray for clarity, but most of all I pray that our world doesn't revert to a less tolerant state of mind.  The statistics are frightening, I think I recently read that 43% of transgender people attempt suicide at one point or another during their lifetime. That number is staggering and it includes people who haven't yet accepted that they are transgender, those who know who they are but haven't come to terms with it, those who are in the middle of transitioning, and those who have lived as their chosen gender.  These are people that need love and support and more often than not do not get it.  I have vowed that WILL NOT be me.  I am an Ally, I am a partner, and I refuse to make my spouse's life harder simply because her gender identity doesn't match the body she was born in.  This journey is just beginning for us and I am quite certain that there are more twists and turns to come, but my resolve is steadfast and I will admit that I am sometimes very tired.

Hug the ones who love and support you & don't stand for anything less.

Jenn

I'm back!  Recently there have been many changes in my life that I was not able to talk about outside of my immediate family, but my therapist thinks it would be helpful to write down the details of these changes from my perspective.  Hopefully this will help me organize my thoughts and maybe sharing things may help others in my position. Those of you who know me personally are aware that in April my spouse begun transitioning publicly from Robert to Amanda. This was not a surprise to me, she had begun transitioning in private a year ago or so.  This journey has sometimes been difficult but has been equally rewarding. Having my partner change completely is something I never expected, but we are adapting.  My father tells me a lot that he doesn't understand and that he feels like he is losing the part of his family that he once considered 'Perfect'.  I'm not giving up on my Dad, I will help him understand eventually.  In the meantime, from my side I never completely enjoyed life as a perfect family, there is a lot of pressure when you are perfect.   I really do hate the word PERFECT, makes me feel like one step in any direction will lead to failure.  I do love going on an adventure and this does feel like the ultimate adventure.  We are meeting new people and experiencing things I never thought we would.  Although there have been low moments, the high moments bring real tears to my life and I actually feel like I am living. 

Here's a picture of Cate and Amanda walking in the Pride parade in NYC. They stood in the street on Madison Ave:

Our kids are doing great & watching them adjust has been heartwarming to say the very least. Turns out I helped raise the kindest, most loving girls & I am just amazed by them each day.  Below I've posted my recent manicures, head over to my IG (@polishedjenn) for full descriptions. Feel free to ask me questions. Jenn ❤️

My Chihuahua Bits! from OPI

To The Mouse House We Go by OPI

Mrs. Robinson by Color Club

Lucid La La Land by SuperChic Lacquer

Halcyon by Cirque Colors

Posh by Revlon with Stassi by Zoya over the top 

My obsession with the "Skittles" manicure!!!

A skittles manicure is so much fun and I love them!  Even if I do get the occasional odd look which I interpret as judgement for wearing my nails in a fashion that is a bit young for my age.  Oh well!  You basically pick a main color and then add a few decorative nails, usually 2 (sometimes 3) that compliment the main color you have picked.  I always add a sparkly nail and then one with a pattern.  See examples below:

The purple polish is OPI I Lost My Bikini in Molokini with a textured glitter and a marble nail.

The blue polish is China Glaze Sky High-Top with a blue metallic glitter and stamped nail (using two colors).

The deep purple polish is OPI In The Cable Car-pool Lane with a Zoya Pixie Dust polish and a stamping nail as accent.

This pink polish is Essie Delhi-dance with an iridescent topper and a stamping nail as accent.  

This Tiffany blue is China Glaze For Audrey along with OPI Ce-less-tial Is More and a stamping nail as accent.

Another sky blue polish this one is Essie Blossom Dandy with Orly Mirror ball and a stamping nail as accent.

And now for something not polish related...things have been hard lately and I felt like I needed to lay it all out there.

I don’t intentionally lie, cheat, or steal.  My parents taught me to work hard and earn what you have and I am trying to pass that lesson that along to my kids.

I try to be as honest as possible but sometimes when I am uncomfortable I will not say anything in order to get through it.  There have been many moments when I just didn’t know what to say…

I am a genuine person with feelings, I might not always be emotionally available but I do feel pain and I hurt more often than you think.

I am not shallow, egoistical, or vain; actually I am the exact opposite.   If you think that I am, then you do not know the real me.  I don’t make myself vulnerable to many people.

I can be pushy, maybe even bossy and I can’t apologize for that.  When I know what’s right, I don’t make excuses for myself or anyone else.  If you think I’m wrong, push back.

I hate watching some else’s pain and that’s why I spend a lot of time taking care of other people.

I make mistakes, many in fact.  I have never claimed to be perfect.  I apologize when I realize my actions hurt someone else.  I try to live my life without regrets but I always seem to have so many…

My family is my life.  I’ve tried my best to take care of them, and sometimes I fail miserably.

There is always enough food at Sunday dinner for a few extra people.  I don’t provide ear plugs and I can’t control my family.  So leave the chip on your shoulder at the door, and come join us.  They can be a hoot when they are not killing each other.

If your wondering why all of this is on my mind lately, ask me.  I could use a chat :)

Another polish from the untried pile...

This polish is from the 2015 Electric Nights collection by China Glaze and holy cow it is BRIGHT!!!  Actually I think it might be too bright for my taste, I mean at least on my fingers. 

From the untried pile...

Recently I went through my entire collection and cataloged every polish in it using swatch sticks.  This is when I realized that I have quite a few more than 20 polishes in my untried polish stash.  It is actually closer to 60 polishes, she says rather sheepishly...   

So with that omission I have decided that I am going to make an effort to wear those untried polishes ASAP. 

Zoya Earth Day Polish Haul

I ordered six polishes in April during the Zoya Earth Day polish sale:  Aurora, Ivanka, Chita, Charla, Chyna, and Seraphina.  I knew the sale was coming and that I definitely wanted to take advantage of those lower prices.  I did my research, watched some YouTube videos, and then made my selections based on input from Bloggers and YouTubers that I follow regularly. 

So far I've worn all of them with the exception of Chita, but I've only taken pictures of three of the polishes on my nails (see below).  I just haven't gotten around to Chita yet and since summer is upon us I feel like its much too nice for a army greenish color.